Is "fat" a four letter word?

When I was in Chennai last week, I fished compliments from many who had not seen me in a long time. I confessed that great results come out of hard work and that there were no magic pills I popped to get where I am. I know that in the past few months my body has undergone a tremendous change, and even though I might not be losing weight, there are other things going on - namely toning up and cellulite reduction which are really showing up pretty good. Plus since I am not in starvation mode, my skin and hair look healthy and alive. I am glad that I am losing weight in the most healthy way possible. I am feeling young, strong, fit and agile, find myself in a better mood most of the time and sleep really really well ( thanks to all the working out I do).

But even though there is this bright side of me, people who see me for the first time still see me as an overweight person. I might have shed 22 kgs, but that does not make me thin - just less fat! The thought of this makes me so sad. If I had approached weight loss in this way some 4-5 years ago, I might not have weighed a ton, ever! But the should have/could have/would have approach really does not do me any good. And I am glad I weigh 79 kilos instead of 100!

One such person who met me for the first time passed remarks which really sent my temper shooting to the ceiling. While the said person and his family was interacting with us (me, husband and in-laws) he commented in surprise that he had heard I was a dancer - a professional dancer he exclaimed! In all good faith, I asked him what was so surprising ( I have learnt to give people a chance by asking, instead of assuming why they think a certain way). He said that dancers were supposed to have great bodies and also expressed his dismay at how they gain weight when they stopped. I calmly told him that I was tubby even when I danced. He drew Dr.Padma Subramaniam (a highly reverred Bharatanatyam exponent) into the conversation and asked me how come she is so fat even though she continues to dance. I told him that agility could be lost with age and possibly that was the reason her practices were not as effective as before, and besides there could be a number of other reasons for weight gain.

Honestly I was quite stung by his remarks and often wonder how people could be so freely nasty while commenting about others being fat. Is "fat" a four letter word? For me, yes it hurts pretty bad when people call me that. In fact all though my childhood, I refused to do anything about my weight, because my father called me "fat". He constantly tried to remind me of my bad looks. That approach shapes a lot of my personality even today. I am highly sensitive and keep thinking people think of me as fat and unworthy! Only post marriage and the Scientist's loving acceptance of me even at 100 kgs with two broken feet, did I see that there was a lot in life beyond the difference of "fat" and "thin". Yes I still continue to be hurt by incidents like those above, but I know that somebody understands me and that its ok. The emotinal aspect of my fat had pervaded the physical aspects. But I am on the journey to appreciating what all my body does even at this embarrassing weight.

But this makes me think do you guys face such situations too? How do you handle them? And is "fat" a four letter word?

 

A body pump class, foiled birthday plans and a chatty post!!

Well after planning on taking a body pump class for many many days, I finally got around to it yesterday. The instructor was great and combined body pump with pilates on popular demand. Result : I discovered the joy of walking-belly- on-pilates-ball (which I could not really do too well, and kept bumping off the ball!). But I also broke the barrier of being scared to do something that adventurous (for lack of a better word). I kept fearing that I was going to either burst the ball under my massive weight or have a bad fall and hurt myself. However, I put up my valiant best and attempted something that was about 50% of the expected move.

 

Lifting weights after so long has made my legs sore. I really feel the pain as I sit and rise from my chair at work and the staircase feels like its best avoided right now. For all the pains that come to me after exercising and running and lifting as if there is no tomorrow, my bottle of volini spray finds a more rightful than does the body spray I got myself from bath & body works.

 

That said, I did make something like a birthday plan for the kindly Scientist. The same was however not too enthusiastically received as it involved him waking up at 5 a.m. heading to Sankey Tank for a fun 5k run ( as I called it) and having breakfast consisting of idlis and the delectable chow-chow-bhath at Veena stores. I presumed the prospect of spending quality time on a birthday morning to be with me, followed by my simple yet thoughtful plan of breakfast will be a total hit. But lets just say the Scientist preferred to  stay in bed until after I headed out alone for my not-so-fun-5k-run and spent the morning reading his usual hard to understand sci-tech news.

 

Anyway, I still tried to be a sport even though my plan for him was totally foiled and tried to cook a yummy lunch to pack for his dabba. It seemed like the food was taking my side and nothing I cooked turned out even as good as I prepare on non-special days. And my run this morning turned into a 2k run-then walk-run-walk-run until I finished. I just did not seem to be able to do it today! Somedays things don't go as I expect and it kinda slows me down until I realise that the granola bar I just ate is not as "healthy" as I hope it is and that I am eating or craving food just mindlessly. Once realised, blog, eat, run repeat!

And another whirlwind weekend

That's the first weekend of February gone by. I had an awesome weekend with pelnty of family time, healthy eating and much needed rest.

We began Saturday morning after breakfast at home finishing up some much procrastinated paper work relating to the house we just bought. I also dropped by my almamater to find out when I should begin thinking about school admissions for Chittu. Man! we're that far along already? High alert begins in October this year , I learnt, when schools make applications for admissions available. Thoughts about that later!

We returned home in time for lunch, feeding Chittu and getting him to sleep. We then met an old freind of mine from school, and fished compliments about my weight loss so far. I wore jeans after possibly three years (or maybe even more). I tried my old jeans to see if I fit and I did!Yayy! It feels great when good work is rewarded. We came back home for a simple light dinner, and hit the bed. Saturday, the gym was closed for maintenance, so guess who did not exercise :)

Sunday morning, I hit the gym, while the enterprising Scientist finished  veggie shopping for the week. After a good cardio session I returned home stopping enroute for some home-supplies. I chanced upon some star fruit at the store and bought it. I have never eaten the fruit before and googled to find out how to. How much I use google!

After lunch, I curled up beside Chittu and napped an entire two hours! The work-out was a good one. I woke up, tried a bit of the pretty looking star fruit and decided it was good stuff for a mere 30 calories per fruit. We then headed to a Shiva temple where Chittu had fun watching fish and tortoises in the temple pond, enjoyed Pani puri on a road side stall, and once again headed home for dinner.

No outside food this weekend. I am really working hard to get below the 80 mark, can't you tell? How was your weekend?

What I did this weekend

I have had a splendid weekend. It was almost perfect.

Friday night kind of set the tone for our week end, with a celebratory dinner (we bought a house, remember?) at the Taj West End, Bangalore.The Indian restaurant - Masala Kraft, has a delectable spread, and is true testament to the glory of dining at the Taj. The original plan was to go by ourselves, but Chittu called himself in at the end.

Dinner, was rounded off by baked Anjeer Halwa for dessert that the Scientist and I split. I am on a diet, I remind myself. But it's a celebration. And thats OK. I got right back on track, with an early morning run Saturday. It felt great. I did a few laps in the neighbourhood park, and jogged back home.The whole run was a jog. But, Man, was it good! We spent the morning and early afternoon shopping for necessary groceries, got home for lunch, and crashed out on bed, along with the toddler. Now I know why they call the elliptical low impact. We met the Scientist's friend and his wife for dinner. They are expecting their baby in early January. So we imparted some unsolicited  parenting gyaan. Hmm.. since we had dinner at a restaurant, I tried to stay on plan, by avoiding the roti and skipping dessert.We walked back home, watch half an hour of "How to train a dragon", and were ready for the bed.

I headed for a run again this morning, with sore muscles of my legs, abdomen, glutes and back. But I figured, doing the run will still make me feel better than if I did not do it. So there I was - sweat-shirt clad, in the misty wintry bangalore morning,  working my ass off (pun intended). The Scientist fixed my elliptical, while I finished veggie shopping for the week. We were meeting the Scientist's colleagues for lunch, during which I kind of stayed on plan, by watching the rice, and skipping the very tempting sweet dish, and the acclaimed samosa.

I have learnt that it is a matter of the mind. I tell you, it was never this way for me. The toddler wanted to have the samosa. So I fed him half a samosa, without feeling tempted, and gave the rest to the Scientist. Dealing with food has never been this easy for me. I don't feel like I am controlled by it any more. Instead I control food.

Right now, my back and thighs are hurting very badly, and I think I will use a hot-water-bag to ease the pain. As I type this post, the Scientist is putting Chittu to sleep, after which we will watch the rest of "How to train your dragon".

So how was your weekend?

Weight Update: I have been maintaining a steady 82.3-82.5 kg. I shall be patient, and the weight will go.

The wet wipes conversation

A recent conversation with the Scientist:

Me: Oh! The Huggies wet wipes are getting over. You've bought refill packs right?
Scientist: Yes. Eight of them.
Me: Hmm. Roughly how many does one packet contain?
Scientist : 200... (usually, he is always equipped with minute details, like the number of teeth in his comb...err, no, joking.)
Me: So thats 1600 wet wipes. I use about 2 wipes per poop (on Chittu, that is, in case 'I' was misunderstood). So Roughly 800 poops? That means we are covered for the next year atleast (Conclusion arrived at after long complex mathematical calculations involving number of poops in a day, number of days in a month and number of months in a year)
Scientist: We are?
Me: Yep. Sigh.

Post baby-birth, nothing has remained the same. Nothing!