Food journalling and other rambles!

Its been only 4 days since I ran the 10k and my feet are itching to run, literally. I have only managed 2 body pump classes this week, after taking off both Monday and Wednesday. Having a class with good instructors really cuts the deal in terms of motivating me to actually get my butt in the class. The other options I have with the 7-8am group class is Sh'Bam ( a form of western dance, I feel is highly intimidating) and body combat (which I never really warmed up to). All yoga classes are in the 8-9 batch and I cannot do that because then I will run late to office!

 

Hence I take pump twice a week, try to squish in 2 runs, a yoga class and on highly productive weeks also a different cardio session. Mostly I end up exercising only 5 days and convince myself that doing about 2.5 surya namaskars is enough exercise for the day. One day is rest day. Yayy!

 

The scale has shot up by atleast 1kg post womens day run. I was guessing that was water retention. But even though the bloat from my carbo loading in terms of dinner and dessert outside + rice based meals at home post run is almost gone, I still think there is a weight gain. Sigh!!! When will I ever learn not to reward myself with food? I was thinking I'd be able to get closer to the 75 mark by the end of this month. But losing and gaining the same kilo or so is quite annoying, honestly.

 

Seriously why does is take forever to lose one kg, but only 2 days of bad eating to gain it back? Did I mention life is unfair???

 

Did I tell you, journalling is going good. I am able to stay under 1500 calories most days.

I find journalling very useful. because I know what exactly I am eating. There is no mindless eating or eating when not hungry. And I know what I eat and thats its good for me. Back in my college days, I remember I joined a gym. I took a weight loss package of losing 5 kg in a month. I was given a little notebook in which I was to write down what I ate. Usually I filled in the book what I ideally should have eaten. I literally starved myself. Yes I did lose some weight. But towards the end I think I actually ate food and saw the scale show a nearly 2 kg gain. Must have been water retention after starving myself for so many days. But I got so annoyed, I threw my hands in the air and quit! I am glad I am not so irrational nowadays. But still there are many days the scale does not budge even though I have been working out and eating perfectly. I want to cry. I do too. I curse and complain to the husband. And he tells me I'm looking so good -even better than when I married him. I know it can't be too true, but it works like ointment and I get my act back together!

 

Right now I plan to continue running and also try to conquer that 75 kg mark. I feel like I've stayed in the later 70s for ever now.

 

That's all from me guys. Do you journal? What method works best for you?

 

the grey zone

I must admit I have been in the grey zone lately. Somedays, I wake up,do my stuff and feel good about where I have reached after all this hard work. Some days, I have moments of great self doubt, wonder whether the scale is moving at all and if ever I will lose all this extra baggage I am carrying. I think of crash dieting sometimes. But I know I cannot do it! Really, I cannot. Somedays I look at the round on my shoulders after all the body pump hours I've put in. Somedays, I cannot help but notice that my butt is far bigger than I'd like it to be. Some days, I pride in the halasana or the push up that I have become able to do. Some days, I am so embarassed that I have been on this final weight loss jounrey for over two years now and have not yet reached where I want to! I know I need some more discipline to shake the final kilos off. Half assing isn't working. I guess I need to get down to the real hard work!

 

I have only recently been able to stay off rice, considerably! I am starting to run again. There are quite a few running events I have lined up. That's the only way I'll actually run without feeling complacent. And this is my action plan, running apart:

 

• watch the rice, watch the rice, watch the rice!
• improve core strength - some planks please?
• journal (i have recently got back to journalling in a note book)
• first get under the 75 mark! smaller goals at a time?

I am planning a beach holiday in the last week of March! So do you think I'll be a lighter person by then? I really want to break out of this badly!

 

 

Wierd Weekend Post

I was feeling low, fat and sick when the weekend began. Nonetheless, I lugged myself for the power yoga class on Friday night. The winter in Bangalore has shown sub 15degree temperatures. And the dark and cold is just not a very cheery combination. While I did lay out running clothes for a Saturday morning run, I woke up after an uneasy night having the todlder waking up far too many times and an unwell Scientist. I was too late for an outdoor run, and so I laced up and made it to the gym instead. I worked on my running speed and attempted a sub 40 minute 5k. I clocked a 5k in 41 minutes on the treadmill, with no elevation. But I shaved nearly 9 minutes off my first ever treadmill 5k earlier this year. And then I did a random hill workout on the recumbent cycle for 20 minutes. Solid 60 minute sweaty cardio.

 

I spent the rest of Saturday flitting between the hall and bedrooms of my home, feeling pointless and directionless. I must have mentioned that to the Scientist atleats one million times, that day - that I feel so lost in my career, in life and weight wise too. I overslept on Saturday afternoon and just went deeper into the awful mood I was in. The many rava laddoos did not help either. 

 

Sunday means dance class day. I have missed class for more than a month now, and am nowhere near motivated  to continue with it. That is really sad after having been super excited about restarting dance. The main reason is that I ended up dancing amidst little kids, who might have been pretty good at dance, but I was just not able to find my connect there. I think that might mean the end of dance for me, for now. What I am expecting is a teacher who will be able to focus just on me for an hour or two every week. I dunno if I'm asking for too much, but dancing amidst kiddos after 12 years of hard core bharatanatyam, just sort of upsets me.

 

So after much thinking the Scientist and I agreed that the class may not be the best for me, right now. I will reassess later, when I can think more clearly. We spent more directionless-pointless time on sunday watching a random tamil movie. By the evening I had about had it, and we decided to go temple visiting. I felt wayyyy better afterwards, and both Chittu and the Scientist slept fitfully. I was up before the alarm went off at 5.30 this morning and headed out into the chilly winter morning for an 8k run at Lalbagh. The run was just what I needed to get me back into the grove and I am so glad that I was able to find my running mojo!

 

My next stop will be the Wipro Chennai Marathon -10k on December 2nd 2012 where I will see if can run in the humid Madras weather. Initially I was thinking that this will prepare me for the Auroville half marathon which is slated for Feb 10th 2013. But now, I'm wondering if I am attempting too much, too soon. Anyway, I am not sure sure of the Chennai 10k route, but am hoping I will get to run along the beach to make a dream come true :)

 

I shall be thin one day

Ok.. why do I feel compelled to write a post today, even though, suprise suprise!! I weigh almost the same as I did yesterday. I have not gone to the gym in three days - that's tuesday, wednesday and thursday. I did some mat exercises - my own whacky combo of stretches-yoga- pilates this morning, because I felt guilt  almost chew my brains up. And then all I've been thinking of is food-food-food and exercsie-exercise-exercise. Because I tend to be obsessive like that! I can't seem to stay balanced and refrain from the many kozhakottais I popped in my mouth because in my head I reasoned (and please laugh at me) that steamed riced dumplings filled with coconut and jaggery can't be so calorie laden afterall. And then what harm can a couple of vadais do? And the appams? They are my favourite sweet! This was the Ganeshchathurthi indulgence.

 

Oh and the promise to get in a run or a biking session while in Chennai? Lemme explain - the in-laws house is not located conducive enough for a walk and the bike? Oh well, it was dysfunctional! And then back in Bangalore I never woke up at the call of the alarm. I was not too tired or too sleepy like I usually am. I was just plain lazy. What a shame!

 

I owe it to myself to get some movement today apart from the fifteen minutes I spent doing some kind of exercise on my yoga mat this morning! I am trying to choose between the spinning class and the yoga class. And may be a run tomorrow? As per plan. I must get back to lifting too.. because it makes me feel so strong and does wonders to my body.

 

Anyway the drudgery continues , I guess and will not go away no matter how bad I feel about being fat! I need to do the rest of the stuff too - the all too unassuming -diet and exercise that will make or break my dream - that one day, soon I shall be thin! Just that I really need to pull my socks and get down to that stinkin' business.

 

And I'm also going to soon link to my mapmyrun page (so that I can show off my runs!!!), my sparkpeople page (so that I can please stop thinking I can eat the damn samosa because noone watchin') and also have a weigh-in page (so that I can put the scary numbers here for everyone to see).

 

All those freshly starting out with weight loss goals, how are you staying accountable? Any suggestions?

Many whys? And a weak Will!

Why do I screw up my grandiose weight loss plan EVERY time I go to Chennai even if its for two days?

Why is it so hard to say no to Goddamn freaking SUGAR when I have eaten so much of it all my life, even though I know it wrecks the little success I make on the weight loss front?

Why can I not stay away from Rice when I know it makes me retain so much water that I dont lose even an ounce after I run a 10k or push myself with weights?

Why Oh Lord is it SO SO SO hard to lose weight even for someone who managed to ace complicated law exams? There are only two rules: Eat less and move more!

Why am I not able to do this and Scratch this off my to-do list? This weight loss thing that has been on it forever now?

Why is it so hard? Really... Ifeel like I have been at this weight loss thing for ever, now. So long that I want to sit down and cry at how badly I have fallen short of my goals. I can't just seem to fix this eating problem of mine. I can run a 10k or even a freaking half-marathon, I guess. But tell me to say no to a pastry or sweet or chocolate that does not even taste as good as it looks, I will be miserable. I feel like its my bounden duty to eat anu sugar that is placed before my eyes. Even though I know it hampers thae goal that I have been longing to achieve my whole life now.

 

Why can't I just be thin? And just not like sugar?

 

I am up on weight and down on morale! I need to buck up. Get up and lash this battle out. I know how to do it. And I'm starting this again (When was I ever off?). 13 kgs to go. January 20th, 2013 is my new goal date. I'm starting over. From today, from now. And I shall post weekly weigh ins, though I am yet to figure out which day of the week.

 

Low Carbing for me, a recipe without a picture and some tough resolve!

Wow!! The week has gone by pretty fast. Evening showers in Bangalore have made the evenings cool and breezy and I find it easy to plan dinner. During the colder months, I easily resort to soup for dinner with a side of veggies/ lentil creps/ fruit. During the hot summer, I find it very hard to find cool eating options for me. I'm not one to be too excited by raw vegetable, and therefore cold soups do not make a personal favourite.

I'd love to have put up a picture of my dinner here, because that was how it was perfect, yummy and filling.

Carrot soup with Rajma (kidney beans) & Paneer:

You will need : 

about 3 mediumsized carrots

one onion

oil

panner 25-30 gms

cooked rajma beans - a handful

milk 150 ml

Salt to taste

Spices as your preference

Slice the onion length wise and saute in a few drops of oil until translucent. Meanwhile peel and chop the carrots into rings. Add the crrots and saute. Once combined well, add a cup of water and let it cook a while. Alternately, you may also pressure cook the onion carrot mixture. 

Once well cooked, let it cool. Then transfer to a mixie/blender and blend to desired consistency. You will be presented with a charming orange puree. Transfer back to stove top. Add the milk, then salt and spices. Your carrot soup is ready. I added a bit of cornstarch to the soup as my soup had got a bit watery.

Since, I love one dish meals, I added some sauteed rajma beans and paneer to give my soup a protein fix. I garnished with some freshly ground pepper, red chilli flakes (for I am a lover of spicy food) cumin powder and oregano.

If only I had a picture! Next time, I promise. Even little Chittu loved it.

In other news, I have avoided the mid night snacking bug primarily because my pantry has no tempting food AT ALL. I am also working on limiting refined carbohyfrate intake. Eating refined carbs in moderation simply does not help in weight loss, for me. I did cut myself some slack and loosened my eating rules a bit. But time to bring back the time defined goal into focus. I really want to make it to goal. And there is no easy way up the mountain!

Speaking my mind

After losing 20+ kgs and being about 12 kgs from goal weight, every morsel I put in my mouth (or dont) shows up on the weighing scale. One trip out of town, one change in standard situation, one constant becoming variable, causes me to stir away from my kitchen and make bad eating choices. The mid night monster is back, and after a day of eating good, a handful of sweets from the jar does not show any mercy.

My full time maid a.k.a "maami" is off for 10+ days and I'm left with a situation that is terrifying to think of. What complications!!!! I can't even begin to type this out. Sigh!

Back to weighty issues, I left station for a day from Friday night to Saturday night, and am right back to where I began last week. Self pity does not contribute to weight loss! So I am fighting the munchies, after giving in on the weekend. And, oh boy, shall we not talk about how hard it is to start all over? My hugest enemy is sugary food, and sometimes it makes me feel so horrid, to think about how much it takes control over me, even after how far I have come.

I fear, whether I will stay overweight all my life? Will I ever hit goal weight? Will I ever win the battle over sugar? I am a wee bit sad, and pitiful of where I am right now. I intended to hit 67 kgs by August this year. But slowly that dream is fading out.

PS: Whirlwind weekend posts will resume with improvement in weight loss.

Fighting the funk and other updates!

I'm back! I was fighting the funk, and was in a completely crappy mood, weight loss wise. Yesterday, i.e. Sunday was so bad that after my weekly rice based meal promise, I wanted to dig into an endless tub of chocolate icecream. The scale was not helping and did not reward me one bit for the exceptional temptation control and solid workouts I gave myself last week!

Hence, I totally did not feel like a whirwind week post or a weekly work out update & recipe promise post, though my kitchen has churned some fantastic healthful food. In addition extended family was here over the long weekend, and I'm proud to say my eating did not go overboard, by any measure. At lunch I stuck to my order of soup and dal, nibbling off the Scientists plate. I was able to counter tempting offers cajoling me to eat the oily  restaurant food with snug replies, that sent the message loud and clear!

My low spirits were lifted this morning only after a killer work out that my personal trainer put together for me. My personal training sessions are going very well, and I feel strong and agile after every session. The magic of exercise, I tell you!

The promotion season in office began today, with the first round of celebratory sweets being sent around. I must admit I gave in to sugar temptation! I have planned out how to resist in the future, however. So thats it. The jouney continues. I have roighly another 12 kgs to goal, and this seems to be taking forever!

Pull up your socks Girl!

It’s the fourth day into the new year. Although the vacation was a brief one, I’m finding it hard to go back to my routine. Add to that, a sick baby and once again, under the weather me. This winter has been hard on me. The cold I have is refusing to go away and wheezing during the nights/early morning is returning. I had to use my inhaler in the middle of the night cos the wheezing was interfering with my sleep. I have risen late in the mornings. Today I was up usual time, cooked healthy but decided against exercising. Not a good sign.

Food wise, I do great all day. But have been snacking stuffing my face with sweets in the middle of night, as Chittu & I struggle to sleep. Weight has not changed much, but the scale will surely climb if I continue this way of living. High time to pull up your socks girl!

Going back to journaling and exercising.

Pull up your socks girl!

Second day of the week. White rice for dinner yesterday, and Shrikhand. And a desire to visit an ice cream shop and have a triple chocolate sundae, which was thankfully averted. This morning brought home two boxes of sweet prasadam from the temple. And ate a bit of both. No exercise on both days. The chill here is kind of making my body stiff, and I did not get on the weighing scale today. 

My morning exercise sessions over the weekend, made me too pleased with myself. No more complacency. Time to pull up your socks girl!