A Thinking post!

Warning: This is a brutally honest post.

Over the last few days my weight has crept up and is showing close to 77 once again!!

 

I have been working out fairly consistently (5-6 days a week), going on my long runs and watching my food too! Its moments like these that I want to break down and really weep my heart out.

 

Weight loss is hard. Like stupendoudly hard. It takes - persistence, persevereance and patience. Or do they all mean the same? While I do recognise that the weight rise could be because my body is holding on the some excess fluids (because of hormonal reasons), because my bowels are not exactly contributing to weight loss, because of muscle gain/ muscle pain for picking up rigourous exercise again! which all may not exactly result in the size gain still, the difference between 74.5 and 76.8 is so hard for me to accept. I keep thinking its becasue of that roti I'm eating or that meal/(s) we ate out, that bite of dessert, that cup of bournvita or whatever - none of them are sinful foods per se - but seem like villians to my weight loss effort!

 

At 74.5 I thought another 4.5 kgs and I'm almost there in the 60s. It was that close. 77 is just emotionally hard number for me! I think I will react badly to that number any day I see it! Its threatening close to 80. Its depressing.

 

Having been at this weight loss thing for almost 3 years now, I also know the method of weightloss my body best responds to. All I need to do is cut the carbs - even complex carbs from wheat, millets and fruits, and stick to a protein based diet and tada - my body is shooting down numbers. The side effect of that is that - my stomach and intestines really bear the brunt of all my eating experiments. Stomach ulcer and acidity is something I've always had to grapple with. But lately I realised there must be some internal bleeding as well - cos ummm... there was blood when I went to the toilet!!!

 

Some self medication later, I guess I am better, but it makes me think whether clamping down upon my eating is all that necessary. The ultimate goal is health right? And I wonder whether I'm paying too high a price for weight loss.

 

I know solutions exist within my constrains - like to drink lots of buttermilk, tender coconut water, pomogranate, methi seeds and other remedies, but then I wish I had someone, standing beside me and giving me what to eat in hand! With the toddler, husband, a job and so many other things scrambling for my time, I find I treat myself badly at times - like I delay my own dinner until everybody has eaten. By then I lose appetite and dislike the food. And then many complications such as the ones above arise.

 

Sometimes I feeling I'm walking a tightrope. One wrong move and I pay a heavy price -only recently I had recovered from the hip pains I got from road running/ over exercising!! Now its this. Achieving weight loss through this myraid of tiny explosives is a challenge I have been at! I know I'm mostly through it. this final leg is going to be the most challenging and demanding. I am stepping up exercise. I'm going to back to journalling to, just in case. I really want to be done with this!