Warning - long post ahead.
A weekend with lots of thinking, indeed.
So yes I saw the enocrinologist on Friday evening. I have to admit that I was very nervous, as I usually am before every doctor's visit because I fear that he/she is going to make a snide comments about my weight and attribute every health complaint I have to it.
As is required, I stepped on the weighing scale, and saw 80. Darn it.
I told him, I run about 20 kms a week, watch what I eat, and still am not losing weight. Hah he said, "do you think all fat people are lazy? Losing weight is not easy. And don't overexercise, if you do, your bones and muscles will get heavy and you will gain weight, not lose!" Whoa!!! Now did I have a new worry? And he continues, " Exercise moderately, eat moderately and stay happy. Look at it this way - You were 100, 94, 83 and now 80. The trend is certainly downward. Plan your next baby!"
"Haha!, I said, not until I lose the last 10". By the time I walked out of his office, I was not sure what my response was. I was simultaneously angry, happy and irritated. Does that happen to anyone?
So, the Scientist and I had dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant, where I realised, my ways of eating have definitely changed. The old me, would scourge the menu for the dish with the highest amount of cheese. That day, I tried to find what I liked, included a soup because I know it fills me up, said no to the complimentary handcrafted bread, ate in moderation, decided the desert menu did not hold anything interesting for me, went with the Scientist to an ice cream shop, watched him order strawberries and cream, took only a couple of spoons and was done for the day!!!
Whoa,that is a totally different me. No icecream? And dessert was not interesting enough? Well, I decided that if was so in control of the food, then I certainly would make progress on the weight front. I also decided that I was going to trust myself for a few days, and stop with counting the calories, going low carb or high protein or anything. I decided that I would actually eat moderately, exercise moderately and be happy.
I am going to try and restain from hopping on the scale every day. I decided I will possibly weigh in weekly and just keep the numbers to myself, in a private diary until I hit important milestones - like going below 75, 72, 70 and finally reaching goal weight. Well, I am not saying that this is how it is going to be. But I am going to try and stop obsessing over weight loss, and rather try and actually make it feel like a natural side effect of being in control of what I eat, achieving my running goals and staying fit and happy. I am also toying with the idea that I am not really going to ban any specific food/ food group, but make it a part of my life because, whether I like it or not, I do love sweet stuff.
So that's what I figured out this weekend. I will still be posting my work outs, my attempt at training for a half marathon, possibly even my experiments with cooking and certainly weight loss, whenever I cross that important milestone. Posting my weight here everyday began to pressurise me to perform and not let you guys down! But hey!! I just realised my body has its own way of dealing with stuff, and lesser calories and more exercise does not necessarily equal to weight loss for me. I will also post more about other stuff - being a working mom, life, what I love and other things. I guess the weight loss obsession has taken a differnt turn and hopefully for the good.