Undoing a big milestone and taming the food monster inside me!

This past weekend, we were at Chennai. A bit of a longer weekend actually.

When we go to Chennai, I can almost never put myself first. First its the weather that makes it necessary to exercise very very early in the morning. And then between the ILs, friends, my relatives / extended family, need for shopping, attending the wedding/ other function that was the purpose of the trip, there is little else I manage to accomplish.

In fact, now the ILs have a treadmill at home. Ofcourse I also use workout videos. But I did not get to doing anything this time. While I always stress that food is the key to weight loss, I find that on days when I exercise, I tend to eat more responsibly. My "what the hell? Let me enjoy" moments practically disappear. I plan ahead. And I do good. When I am too busy attending family functions, meeting people and out of my own kitchen, I tend to eat whatever I see. This time for example my MIL had a massive box of theratti paal (kind of kalakand) in the fridge. I ate so much of it that I have actually gained about 1.5 kgs in four days.

Last week I crossed the 25 kg lost mark and today when I weighed myself, I had found that I promptly undone my effort. I am ashamed that I let my effort of achieving an important milestone be undone by eating/ overdosing on some stupid sweet!!! Some days I have this food control business down to pat and other times the dormat monster just jumps out ready to feast on any calories it comes across.

Yes I did get a lot of hoots from my relatives about how they could not even recognise me :) I guess all those compliments sent me flying in the air and I needed quite a pinch like the scale reading this morning to bring me back to reality.

I have a month to go for the 10 k next month. So I will be getting back to calorie crunching so that I can achieve a personal best timing of a sub 75 minute this time. Ofcourse, its not besides the point to say that I have not really "run" in a long time now - almost a week.  The Kaveri trail marathon (in September is almost here) is where I will be attempting to run a half marathon. I guess I better get to serious work!

The Hagen Daaz trip

Last Friday evening, the toddler slept early. The husband was home and I had resisted suggesting we could go out for dinner. Food is still my go to way of celebrating! But I am working pretty hard on delinking food and happiness.

So after we had a simple homecooked dinner of idli sambar we were contemplating what we were to do with the time available.

Me: Shall we go out for a walk?

Scientist: Yes, we'll walk to Hagen Daaz and back.

Me: But I don't want ice cream ok. I won't eat any. You can, if you like.

Scientist: But this has been on our to do list of things for long. This is the perfect time.

Me: Ok lets go.

So as planned we walked the 3.5 kms to the newly opened Hagen daaz (ice -cream/ dessert outlet). Mapmywalk showed that I had burnt a measly 155 calories in the 40 minutes it took us to get there, and I thought we walked pretty fast. The husband ordered a belgian hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and ice cream. I took a look at the fancy menu and decided nothing really excited me.

The hot chocolate with whipped cream - the whipped cream is almost over in this pic :)  and I admit I had a few sips, ok? But I though the 155 calories covered it :P

The Scientist was pretty irritated by the fact that I refused to order anything. Single scoop of ice cream, he asked? No. I resisted. I told him I worked way too hard to lose weight and did not want to spoil it by eating an ice cream which I was not even tempted by. I was just. not.tempted. Period.

And that's a new me, let me tell you. I think the old me would not even think of not ordering. I mean how can you go to an ice cream store and not have ice cream? Nowadays when I look at a food, I wonder how many calories it has and if I have the nutritional information, I almost immediately calculate how hard / long it would be for me to work it off. Honestly, I dont even want to eat the food, and i mean something like a huge serving of dessert when I don't have the calorie stats.

Before anyone thinks I have achieved the likes of a dietary perfection I must admit to have eaten donuts for lunch, constantly sweeten my curd with a bit of sugar and  indulge in my 80 calorie serving of ghirardelli dark chocolate squares on weekends. Even yesterday someone distributed laddoos in office. They had left one on my table while I was in a metting. My intitial thought was to not eat it. But somehow it did find a way inside my tummy!

But I think I have steered clear of eating a whole packet of cream biscuits, large desserts and incessantly eating the chocolates that are lying in my pantry/ cupboard until my supply runs out. I used to do it, you know? Small progress, but progress nonetheless.

While the Scientist understood my thoughts that day even though he started out pretty bugged, I think he also came face to face with the new me. Infact I did too:

The weekend where I ate a whole lot!

If I had captured all the food I ate over the weekend and put it up here...

I don't know what came over me this weekend! At first I was thinking only of chocolate. Once I ate a handful of M&Ms and a 2 pack Reeses peanut butter cup, I wanted to eat pasta. Like cheesy gooey pasta. First I said PMS and then I said it was our 4 years of togetherness ( the Scientist and I had met and said yes exactly 4 years ago on this day)! and then just threw my hands up in the air and finally I said: Heck I want to eat,and I shall. On friday I had eaten 1772 calories, Saturday 1737 calories and Sunday 2539 calories as per spark people. My yoga class on Friday evening was next to nothing, The saturday 5k run was good, sunday I got lazy and monday morning I did not move my butt again!

 

So basically, tell me, if someone screwed up worse than I did!

 

I don't even feel horrible. I felt like I had the right to eat.Today's eating has been barely ok. I will see if can sneak a trip to the gym in the evening. Body pump shall happen tomorrow. And I will climb back right where I left. How are you guys doing?

Ugh! I am tired to the bone, though I cannot see any other reason except for lack of sleep and am back to feeling like a bloated hot air balloon. The gas troubles seem to have become a permanent feature of my life! During the last week I had about 10 people living in my small apartment. Add to that overflowing availability of ghee laden laddoos, murukkus and other such condiments for the special Deepawali. I must confess that I did eat a small bit of the sweets. But everything was within reasonable limits of control. The only problem was that I ended up skipping eating during my usual snack time and am feeling like I might just burst right now.

 

After the awesome 12.5k run on Sunday, I did not get much by way of exercise on Tuesday and Wednesday. Monday evening was spent walking a lot in the mall. I returned to routine this morning with a 45 cardio session at the gym.

 

The temps had dipped this morning and my body was craving exercise warmth!In fact as I ran on the treadmill, I felt as if a small part part of me was just waking up and whispering a thankyou! I can only think of a warm bed into which I can cuddle up now and shall I dare say that I have another running event up in the corner - the Wipro Chennai Marathon is on 2nd December and I have signed up for the 10k. No tickets are booked. So I am not sure what exactly we might do. But whatever, I am still hoping to be able to do it.

 

The purpose was just to keep the holiday weight gain on tab, and hopefully there will be some use to all this running. I have not exactly weighed myself in thelast two days since I feel like a stone is distended from my abdomen.  But I did see a weight as low as 78.4 kg a couple of days ago!

I need to figure out the mechanics of my digestive system and get some relief soon. Hopefully I will back on the mend soon and can actively restart weight loss again. How was your Diwali, guys? Did you drown in the sugar syrup?

Battling the eating demon

My aim at the beginning of 2012 was to get to goal weight by August 2012. My aim, right now is to get to goal weight by February 2013. I hope that I will actually make it, and not reschedule goal date, once again. Yes, I am getting there. But the fact remains that I am not yet there. Of course, physically I am working towards it. But when it comes to food - Oh wait a moment, The demon inside me awakes and simply takes over. No rationality including the fact that I very well KNOW that I cannot out exercise a bad diet helps EVER.

So what do I do to say no to the foods that put my eating out of balance? Just DONT bring them home. Period. Even if I bring the said foods home for the toddler who example likes rusk, I end up eating more of the said food than the toddler. And remember the Mysore Pak that I carried home from Chennai for the Scientist. I most certainly ate more of it than he did. In fact, even in the dead of the night, my brain was saying : Eat mysore pak. Eat mysore pak. As if I had never before in my life.

Not having the food around is the only way I can deal with this.

And oh, if the weighing scale shows a gain, I will stay off. But not if I'm maintaining. I trick myself into eating on the argument that I will run 10 kilometres and it will be a great secret that I polished off all that food! Obviously I am a lawyer!

And that relentless talking to myself. Lose weight. Lose weight. Lose weight. Seriously, I should have been drowned long ago in that thought! Thankfully its a metaphor and I only just started doing proper stuff about actually losing the weight. You see, thinking and doing are TOTALLY different!

So yes I have killed the mysore pak demon for now, and before Diwali rolls around bringing with it sweet festivity, I would hopefully be a few more pounds down! So, what plans for Diwali?

Today's run and my eating problem

When I woke up this morning close to 6.30, the Husband had already left to work. Body pump class is at 6.50, and so I quickly got into gym clothes that I laid out the night before and scooted off, only to find the shutters closed tight at the gym entrance. I figured, it must have been a holiday for Saraswathi puja and briefly contemplated going back home. But ugh!!! I could not tolerate another day of feeling fat and useless. So I decided instead to hit the park where I usually run. Only problem was that I was not wearing my running sweat pants which have pockets to accomodate my phone and scooter keys. Also I was not really comfortable running in the my gym pants because they are a lycra mix material, and not exactly flattering. Oh, and I was not in my running shoes!

I was so ready to just go home and lounge around, but better sense prevailed, and I coaxed myself into atleast going for a walk. It's better than doing nothing, I told myself. Just half hour, you can do it. I got off my scooter and grabbed my cell phone and keys in my hand and pushed myself into a brisk walk. I tried to jog. Ugh!! No.. I could not. My knees hurt. My body felt so rigid. So I walked some more, until I felt my body warm up. And then I tried to jog. Ah yes. Some pace was returning. Just then, I thought my lungs would burst. So I slowed down. And continued, until I had done one loop - which is about 2 kilometres. I would have done another loop, had it not been the pressure of getting back home in time for office. And I had wanted to wear a saree to work.

 

So that's how hard it was for me to run this morning. The same me who could do a 7k was panting and puffing, after a few metres after one week of little physical activity. The excess laddoo and mysore pak availability at home makes my mind keep darting towards the idea of just grabbing a big mysorepak and settling into a corner to enjoy the sugar-laden goodness. In fact last night when I woke up for Chittu's milk, I found myself eating the sweet in the solitude of my kitchen. I wonder how I got that habit! I take great pleasure in eating such stuff in secret, behind everyone's back. Sometimes, I feel ashamed. Sometimes, I look at it with a practical eye, and wonder how to treat that problem of mine. I know that this behavious stems from many childhood incidents. But I've come such a long way, and I don't want to sabotage my own efforts. But I have a bigger problem controlling sweets when I am alone than when I am in public. Anyway, I have found that only consistent exercise keeps me from such deviant behaviour and so I did myself a favour and got a run in, even when I found that the gym was closed. I know I am changing. But some psychological traits are so hard to eliminate, especially those with some complicated connections. I am trying to work on it. It is an every day battle. A hard one for me- more emotionally than physically.

 

The whole thing has made me so sensitive about my weight, that I find it so hard to take comments. But I  guess I have rambled on enough. I'll reserve that for a different post. But tell me - does any body have a secret eating  issue like me? How do you deal with it? I know I'm not the only one. I have read many others with such problems too who have successfully managed to lose weight and keep it off. But until I get there, I guess I'll have to keep trying!

Many whys? And a weak Will!

Why do I screw up my grandiose weight loss plan EVERY time I go to Chennai even if its for two days?

Why is it so hard to say no to Goddamn freaking SUGAR when I have eaten so much of it all my life, even though I know it wrecks the little success I make on the weight loss front?

Why can I not stay away from Rice when I know it makes me retain so much water that I dont lose even an ounce after I run a 10k or push myself with weights?

Why Oh Lord is it SO SO SO hard to lose weight even for someone who managed to ace complicated law exams? There are only two rules: Eat less and move more!

Why am I not able to do this and Scratch this off my to-do list? This weight loss thing that has been on it forever now?

Why is it so hard? Really... Ifeel like I have been at this weight loss thing for ever, now. So long that I want to sit down and cry at how badly I have fallen short of my goals. I can't just seem to fix this eating problem of mine. I can run a 10k or even a freaking half-marathon, I guess. But tell me to say no to a pastry or sweet or chocolate that does not even taste as good as it looks, I will be miserable. I feel like its my bounden duty to eat anu sugar that is placed before my eyes. Even though I know it hampers thae goal that I have been longing to achieve my whole life now.

 

Why can't I just be thin? And just not like sugar?

 

I am up on weight and down on morale! I need to buck up. Get up and lash this battle out. I know how to do it. And I'm starting this again (When was I ever off?). 13 kgs to go. January 20th, 2013 is my new goal date. I'm starting over. From today, from now. And I shall post weekly weigh ins, though I am yet to figure out which day of the week.

 

On this morning - thoughts, things and a fear!

My alarm rang at 5 a.m this morning, like it does on every weekday morning. It basically means that if I do wake up at that ungodly hour, I will be able to sneak out to the gym/ finish my workout before the toddler awakes, come back in time to cook a decent breakfast and pack a healthy lunch for the Scientist, have some laptop time, some Chittu time, some newspaper time and also time for a longish shower if I'm in the mood.

 

I do wake up at that hour most days just so that I can reap the benefit of having a productive morning. But there certainly are days like today where I turn of the alarm, cuddle up next to the Scientist and wake up an hour later, almost always feeling terrible about it. While I don't mind compromising other things, I like to have have my workout s done and over with in the morning.

 

So after the Scientist left to work, I got dressed in tracks and went to the gym.

 

Random thoughts that crossed my mind as I stamped away 430 calories on the RFX:

 

• Gosh, I hate the crowded gym. I should come in early so that I can get the machine of choice without having to wait.
• One day of eating refined carbohydrate showed a weight gain of 1 kg. Overnight! Like how?????
• And therefore this: I must have eaten rice almost every single day of my 28 years on this earth. Then why-oh-why can I not stay away from it, especially when it shows me so much negative love on the scale?
• God! That woman there looks so much thinner now than when I last saw her! (which was more than a month ago.. and I know she is a gym regular.. the hard work is showing!)
• Should I engage a personal trainer? It costs me about Rs.6000/- a month! Gulp! Yes, dearies, INR 6000! Or I should I but a book like the fit female body breakthrough or the New Rules of Weight Lifting for women? Weight training really did wonders to my body!
• Ok today I will stay away from the refined carbs. I must get on with this weight loss thing. Or how about phase 1 SBD? Its painful, but it works! Maybe I should. How about from Sunday?
• Am I the fattest here today? Oh look at her? Am I fatter than her? Umm.. i don't know!
• But I'm fit. Look at me, everybody, this fat girl is going to run a 10 k tomorrow!
• But I don't look so fat ya..Or is this a kind mirror? May be my bones are heavy? Right?
• Wow this exercise makes my body feel so good!!!I must fit in more exercise. What good is 30 mins?
• And stretching.. wow that knee pain from the 7k is almost gone. And my joints feel so well oiled!

Sorry.. I know these were just random. But its true. I love my gym time. I know, I know I say it too often. But its good yo.. really good.

 

And one final thought as I was parking my bike at home:

 

Am I going to die fat? I realy wish I wouldn't!

The holiday weight gain and other reflections

Yesterday, still being in the high of my "holiday" I went to meet my Dance teacher. Our dance school is celebrating the annual day shortly, and is gearing up for a performing a dance ballet. I was not a part of the stage performance, because I was holidaying in the US while the rest of the group was sweating it out.

The choreography was in progress when I entered, and I waited in the back till it was over. Much later I realised I propbably had a sloppy posture. Then after the class was over, I think I must have dawdled like a duck from the back of the class to meet my dance teacher. Her first reaction was to point at my tires of fat  and rather candidly inquire as to what it was all about? "Too much cheese" she asked? "Also ice cream" I added.

But I cringed on the bike ride back home and even almost ran into an autorickshaw! I was muttering to myself under the helmet and terribly embarrassed about what  had just happened. Being a dancer, one is expected to take care of shape, but seriously, I did not expect my 2-3 kg weight gain to show up so badly. Obviously my posture and gait just brought my body image come tumbling down in my guru's eyes!

I'm kind of thankful I'm not going to be on stage shortly. But I know I must get rid of the excess weight very very soon!

Does 2-3 kg look so awful on me? I was 100 kilos two years ago! Anyway, that also brings me to my totally messed up ways of eating.

I eat food and cheese and sweets and sugar and pizzas and pastries and all such other yummy food, merely because it tastes so good. I feel so tempted. I can't say no. I cannot control portion size. Ieat food because I love to eat. Not because I have a bad life going or because of stress at work or home. I . love.food. Period. And I cannot contain myself from eating cheesecakes when I am at the Cheesecake Factory. Obviously I am overweight. And obviously its really hard to say no. Ask me?
 

What makes food so tempting? The reality behind weight loss efforts

Sometimes, I wonder what it is about food that makes it so tempting. That which I have eaten oodles of in life still stays as tempting the next time I set my eyes on it. Last night I went to the airport straight from work to pick up the Scientist and Chittu. My smaller sized lunches now mean that I can barely survive on it till I get home in the evening. Once I do, I make myself a substantial snack or early dinner depending upon how hungry I am and what I am planning to eat. So last evening, as I alighted in the airport bus stop, I was HUNGRY. I headed straight to a shop where I bought an omlette sandwich (brown bread please!). I decided that was dinner, since it was pretty heavy.

However, once the Scientist landed up, and as we were taxing home, he asked about dinner outside. I declined saying I had already eaten. See I am trying to stay focused. Pizza then? Maami is not there too! Oopsie. Temptation begins. Ok. I’ve had dinner, so just order for yourself I told him. What was supposed be a single medium sized pizza turned into a medium pizza + garlic bread+ pepsi because there was a deal. Gosh! The deceitful ways of these junk food selling people. How attractive they make it all seem!

Anyway, fast forward and soon the pizza was at the door step. I had a small size of pizza then a bite of the garlic bread and some gulps of pepsi because, oh my!  that food made me nauseous! Yes it did. And I’m not saying it merely because its sour grapes. But that pizza yesterday made me feel nauseous and my stomach queasy. When I woke up in the middle of the night for Chittu’s milk, I eyed the box of candy lying the fridge. Candy from Germany! I told the Scientist to take it away from my eyesight, because I have no control over chocolate. And so I ate four bite sized pieces of the yummy candy from germany, in the middle of the night! Now that habit of mine, is a terrible one, because once I start its pretty hard to stop and I had kind of stopped that horrid habit!

Anyway, the point of this is that I don’t know why I ate all that yesterday. I ate it because it was just there in front of my eyes. Not because I craved chocolate or pizza or pepsi. Now that’s not a good thing, is that?

I did not however hurt myself this morning. I began with a sweaty cardio work out and a wholesome nutritious breakfast. I will try to keep food light today and up the water intake. I will step on the scale a bit later and hopefully will not  go back to eating mindlessly like that!

How to handle temptation? I really need help there!

Another weekend out of home and old memories and weight loss!

Remember, I said wedding bells were ringing? So this was the weekend of engagement shopping for the bride-to-be. We promptly packed our bags and carried a feverish Chittu on the train to Chennai. Tatkal tickets made a budget travel possible, and the little guy was mighty excited about the train and engine. Only, the Scientist had to keep the toddler on his lap all night and managed to catch only a few winks of precious sleep.

Once we reached Chennai, both the Scientist and I crashed out once again, leaving the toddler to have fun with the grandparents! We then headed out for purchases in the sweltering heat of Chennai, and satiating the little shopping bug that had arisen in me. I was able to finally check out stores that I had always wanted to, in the name shopping for the new bride!

The engagement ring was bought, the saree was chosen and a some great conversation was exchanged over lunch. I was wary of calorie overload, and tried to stick to eating only at meal times, and not snack on nonsense in between. Dessert was skipped but more good news trickled in from a cousin who just had a baby boy! We were the first to visit the pink bundle of cuteness and it totally made our day! Sometimes, I get all emotional thinking of how as cousins we used to play under the mango and neem trees in my grandfather's house. My grandfather is no more now, but all of us cousins have grown up, begun to work, got married and have made our babies. Sigh! Time!

Sunday, I decided to head back to Bangalore, leaving the Scientist and Chittu back in Chennai to complete some personal work there. The bus journey alone gave me thinking time, and I was surprised at how I did not feel like sipping a cold coca-cola nad munching lays chips to beat the heat and solitary boredom! May be I am evolving into a healthy eater. I reached home rather tired and stuffy nosed, carrying the virus that Chittu had sufferd from all of last week.

I stepped on the weighing scale to see 77.2 this morning. I could not believe my eyes. so I stepped off and then on again. It still read 77.2. I hope putting this up here does not jinx my weight loss yet again, so I go back to seeing 79 point something tomorrow. Maybe my cutting the snack habit and not eating out is helping along with cutting back on refined carbs. My fingers are crossed that the downward trend is sustained and I don't go back to maintaining mode. I began Monday morning morning with a soup to soothe my sore throat and some warm brown bread. I shall go back to working out from tomorrow.

As you can see, I had a near perfect weekend. How was yours?

Of Non Scale Victories :)

Last Friday, I expected some good news. But that did not come. First, I wanted to cry, and then I was fuming. Then I asked the Scientist if we could go for ice cream. Of course, we went. I first had a double scoop. Then we ordered another double scoop and I split it with the Scientist. I was very thirsty when we came home. I had plenty of water, and then we went to sleep. Saturday morning, I was still dazed by the bad news of Friday. I was so angry. I went to the gym, got on the treadmill and ran 5k. I would have run more, since I had quite a bit of sugar in my blood stream, but running on the treadmill hurts my knees. So even though I love it and feel like a rockstar with the mileage on the treadmill, I refrain.

I came back home, stuck to home cooked meals throughout the week end, and have fought the urge to go out, and temporarily sink my anger in oily restaurant food. Yes, I nibbled a bit here and there, maybe even went overboard  my total daily calorie limit for a few days this week, by a few hundreds, but stayed away from dangerous restaurant food. Or pastries. Or a double cheese pizza. Or a gooey dish of Italian lasagna. That was the old me. I would head straight to food for comfort. For joy. For anger, remorse, reason or no reason. I am on my way out of that relationship with food.

But wait, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I no longer eat pizza/pastry/lasagna. It’s just that I eat food, when I want to eat food. Not when I want to cry or celebrate or just for no reason. Another thing that helped in my refrain was that the weighing scale has not shown me a number I liked. So I am even more wary of eating. I don’t want to add to the list of probable reasons I’m not losing weight. I’m not gaining either.

Anyway, without digressing, my attitude towards food is slowly changing. I find that I am able to exercise portion control. I don’t any longer desire to polish off an entire packet of cookies. I am content with a couple of them. Sometimes I don't want them. Then I don't eat merely because the Scientist/ others at the table are eating. May be I’m not losing weight. But there is some Nonscale victory in the wings J

Speaking my mind

After losing 20+ kgs and being about 12 kgs from goal weight, every morsel I put in my mouth (or dont) shows up on the weighing scale. One trip out of town, one change in standard situation, one constant becoming variable, causes me to stir away from my kitchen and make bad eating choices. The mid night monster is back, and after a day of eating good, a handful of sweets from the jar does not show any mercy.

My full time maid a.k.a "maami" is off for 10+ days and I'm left with a situation that is terrifying to think of. What complications!!!! I can't even begin to type this out. Sigh!

Back to weighty issues, I left station for a day from Friday night to Saturday night, and am right back to where I began last week. Self pity does not contribute to weight loss! So I am fighting the munchies, after giving in on the weekend. And, oh boy, shall we not talk about how hard it is to start all over? My hugest enemy is sugary food, and sometimes it makes me feel so horrid, to think about how much it takes control over me, even after how far I have come.

I fear, whether I will stay overweight all my life? Will I ever hit goal weight? Will I ever win the battle over sugar? I am a wee bit sad, and pitiful of where I am right now. I intended to hit 67 kgs by August this year. But slowly that dream is fading out.

PS: Whirlwind weekend posts will resume with improvement in weight loss.

Fighting the funk and other updates!

I'm back! I was fighting the funk, and was in a completely crappy mood, weight loss wise. Yesterday, i.e. Sunday was so bad that after my weekly rice based meal promise, I wanted to dig into an endless tub of chocolate icecream. The scale was not helping and did not reward me one bit for the exceptional temptation control and solid workouts I gave myself last week!

Hence, I totally did not feel like a whirwind week post or a weekly work out update & recipe promise post, though my kitchen has churned some fantastic healthful food. In addition extended family was here over the long weekend, and I'm proud to say my eating did not go overboard, by any measure. At lunch I stuck to my order of soup and dal, nibbling off the Scientists plate. I was able to counter tempting offers cajoling me to eat the oily  restaurant food with snug replies, that sent the message loud and clear!

My low spirits were lifted this morning only after a killer work out that my personal trainer put together for me. My personal training sessions are going very well, and I feel strong and agile after every session. The magic of exercise, I tell you!

The promotion season in office began today, with the first round of celebratory sweets being sent around. I must admit I gave in to sugar temptation! I have planned out how to resist in the future, however. So thats it. The jouney continues. I have roighly another 12 kgs to goal, and this seems to be taking forever!

My header explained and no snacking :)

Did you what my header for the month of April says? – For the tough get going. My workouts at the gym are getting pretty intense. The Scientist pointed out this morning that I am now walking on that thin line that separates healthy eating from under eating and over exercise from optimal exercise! The result is that with my calorie intake hovering around 1200-1300 and good work out sessions, in additional to my home and official responsibilities, I am totally out of steam by the night. In fact, I go to sleep moments after Chittu does, staying awake just to spend time with the toddler.

I am however, promptly up in the morning, readying myself for the gym, as the Scientist and Chittu are still asleep. I’d rather just make it to the gym, because I just feel better about myself on the days I do. In contrast, on days I don’t go to the gym, I obsess over how I should compensate for the missed work out.

Foodwise, I have got my snacking well within control, and I have been able to successfully avoid the chips and biscuits. I have also been able to stay off rice for three days now. It’s surprising how easily these things sneak in, causing me to innocently wonder why the weight does not budge. Then it takes me so much focused hard work to eliminate that stuff. And then something happens and I am back to the old grind again. I realize its so easy to get caught in that rut. My long term goal should be work my way away from this net!

I also need to get my measurements done, to keep track of how effective my personal workout sessions are. It will be nice to have inches for comparison, in case the scale decides to be a stubborn guy! However it is important that I make progress in terms of slimming down!

Those are the updates from me. How’s the summer treating you guys?

April Goal & 90/10 eating plan

3 months gone by and I have 13 kgs to hit goal weight. I really need to heat things up a bit and tighten loose corners if I want my stubborn old friend - Mr Adipose tissue that became my tenant to be forcibly evicted from his home i.e my body. Looking back I may say that these 20 kilos have been relatively easy to lose. Pregnancy and dual fracture weight have come off within 1.5 years.Wow!! did I just say easy? I must reconsider!

As many wise weight loss bloggers such as Vicky time and again reinforce, it is supremely important to address the food component of weight loss. They repeatedly stress that no amount of exercise may be enough to burn what you eat, and mindful eating is therefore very very important.

At this point in my weight loss journey I find exceptional wisdom in these words, and must therefore really tighten my eating rules to reach goal. Here are my eating rules for April:

1. Limit refined carbohydrate to once a week.(No to the rice which is regularly creeping into my lunch plate)

2. Stop snacking specially when not hungry.(No to the biscuits and chips I have taken to lately!)

3. Try the 90/10 rule that Lori has done ( stay on plan 90% of the time). Assuming I have six meals a day (one prework out, breakfast, lunch, dinner and two snacks) means I have a total of 42 meals a week. 10 % means 4 meals. That should give me some leg room for indulgence!

4.Summer is hot this time, and fluids must be monitored. So that is in the goal list too :)

Since workout wise, I'm doing the best I can, I plan to stay on track. Same goes with food, weight and exercise journal.I really have high hopes for April!

TGIF, a little secret and just a happy post :)

Its Friday. Can you believe it? I’m happy though. I always look forward to the weekends. There used to be a time in my life when I loathed weekends. My person life was spinning out of control and I hated to be home with my thoughts. I resorted to food for comfort, as a way of rebellion and out of complete helplessness. Mentally, I was a mess and physically I was driving myself towards another disaster. Nearly five years later. I am still paying for the abuse I threw at my body, in terms of the five star (candy) bars I used to devour in the dead of the night!

Despite knowing how badly overeating hurts me, I still find myself reverting to my old habits. The only argument in my favour is that I snap out of it pretty fast. Like this time after vacation eating, I went right back into exercise mode.

I have signed up to have a personal trainer at my gym. Let me promise you, it costs a bomb. But can I whisper a little secret – Oh my God! I love it. My body demands and craves for exercise. After an hour of a combination of squats, lunges, pull ups, crunches and other exercises, I feel awesome, stronger and happier. And all that hard work keeps my eating in check too.

I have found that I make better food related choices and decisions when I exercise. Its possibly the thinking that when I’m working so hard, I should not mess up by eating a bakery goodie. Or may be it’s the endorphins?

Anyway, I really wanted to share my experience with exercise, with those who are trying to lose weight in some part of their life. What is your experience with working out? Lemme know. Or do a post and leave me a link J.

Facing my trouble areas!

My alarm was set to 5 a.m for this morning. Before I knew it I was cardioing my way through my work out. Yes my muscles thanked me profusely for having given them some work after a long break. I enjoy working out.

But my hard work is easily thwarted by poor eating ways. I went right back to poor eating over the vacation. I polished off more than half the anniversary cake and found myself fighting far too hard to stay away from the dessert section at the buffet. Although we did stay away from the buffet itself most meals, the cake and the carbohydrate overdose won over my will power and I conceded to gaining 1.5 kgs in 4 days. During my stay at Chennai, however, I behaved impeccably and food was just fuel.

Much damage was also done in the Saturday evening and Sunday following our return. Pizza, burgers and icecream was not refused. Vegetable and fruit supply was low. Banana Chips were singing lilting romances to my name.

Food wise, today was not bad. But not as good as it was immediately before the vacation. I don't believe I was stupid enough to squander away my hard work!I was craving sugar as I began typing out this post. But writing this down has  lifted the fog from my mind. My goal is clear once again. And I vow to do all it takes to win this battle against food!

I have logged back into my food and weight journal. And I'm off to lay work out clothes for tomorrow morning. Afterall, what matters is not those few days I mess up. But how fast, I can get up, dust my butt and get it going in the right direction!

Right guys?

Whirld wind weekend that ended weirdly!!!

Unbelievable, once again the weekend just whizzed past, leaving me wanting more of it. Both days I skipped the gym, merrily compensating for the sleep I missed over the week. We woke up late on both mornings and sipped chai while leafing through the newspaper. Heaven! I tell you.

Summer is here for sure, leaving us with scorching afternoons and sultry nights and bringing back old March memories. March was the month of school examinations set on the anvil of summer vacation. Anyway, before I know it, I have a son of my own who is ready to make his own memories of the Summer months.

Yesterday, I took it easy on the lunch, eating with the rest of the family, including white rice. After some sports shopping at a store called decathalon, we returned home, and I made myself a protein shake with a banana. I expected to return late after the outing, and had this planned in my mind to avoid a restaurant meal!

Today was different, though. I woke up feeling queasy in the stomach and having gasssy problems. The Scientist made me a sandwich, for breakfast, while I rested. The problem is that my entire abdomen feels painful, as is my lower back. I don't seem to be able to stand up for a few minutes, without feeling like someone is stabbing a knife through my back. Hence I gladly welcomed the offer to have lunch outside. We fed Chittu before we left, so he was peaceful through our meal at the Oberoi's Thai restaurant Rim Naam. I rounded off a light meal with some flavourful dessert, and returned home with a box of pastries given by the considerate staff for Chittu's impeccable behaviour. However the pastries are sitting in the fridge, and I am totally free of desire!

Since Chittu promptly fell asleep as we returned home, we headed back out to watch a tamil romantic flick that was cute and enjoyable! We came back home with a bag of veggies & fruits, my life line for the week. However, my pains are still with me, as I type this out, and I wonder if will hit the gym tomorrow morning though my clothes are laid out!We will see :)

Chittu is still quite perky and is playing peek-a-boo from behind my laptop.  I have begun to have the monday morning blues of late, and wish I can simply sit at home, doing nothing!!! Honestly, I'm not in the best of spirits and the pain is not making me feel good. Let's wait and watch.

Wow!! Another whirlwind weekend!

True to the title, I just don't get how the 48+ hrs from Friday evening to Sunday evening roll by so fast.

I began Saturday morning with a resolve to cheer up and not fret about the scale readings. I headed early to the gym for a session of weight training - arms, chest and back which was supposed to be followed by a dance aerobics session. But the class was cancelled, and I went back to my usual treadmill + elliptical routine. I upped the treadmill run from 10 to 12 minutes on Saturday, and have no pain till now, which means - so far, so good.

While I do enjoy a good run on the treadmill, my fear of injuring myself, given my weight, makes me rather controlled and watchful. I began running for 10 mins and have increased to 12.

I headed back home and we had breakfast. Then, I made lunch and went out with the Scientist for some paperwork with our newly bought house. Came back, finished lunch and headed to the theater with the Scientist for "the safe house", which pretty ok, but gave me a bad headache.

I chose to skip the popcorn and coke at the movie and instead opted for the hot chocolate, which now makes me proud :). I also took a bite from the Macadamia cookie that Scientist bought at cookie man, and decided I'd eat it if I found it tasty. But it was not, and the Scientist gladly devoured my cookie in addition to his own.I did a teensy bit of shopping too as every store in the mall had a sale going, and I now find more and better clothes that fit me :) Back home and had quite simple dinner with my brother who was visiting. Chittu had some fun with his uncle, before we hit the bed after a long day :)

Sunday morning was spent with the Hindu paper and hot chai :) while Chittu was trying to locate the car ads. The baby loves automobiles! Already! Then breakfast, little bit of tidying and then lunch, followed by pulse polio drop for Chittu. Then another movie - Ek main aur ak Tu at the same theater we went to yesterday. Since these movie tickets were bought using Citibank credit Card, we got 2 free cokes and popcorn. Ofcourse, I had the Scientist, fix the tuck tray to his side of the chair and took only a couple of swigs and bites, when I could not fight the desire to eat.Then there was some more Shopping :) and then home, veggie/fruit shopping, dinner and this post. But that's not before we brought home a brand new Macbook!!!

What a weekend, I say!! Workout clothes are laid out, fridge is well stocked and I'm ready for another week!

How was your weekend?

Btw, I've added a page called progress pics.Anyone seen em?