Last Friday, I expected some good news. But that did not come. First, I wanted to cry, and then I was fuming. Then I asked the Scientist if we could go for ice cream. Of course, we went. I first had a double scoop. Then we ordered another double scoop and I split it with the Scientist. I was very thirsty when we came home. I had plenty of water, and then we went to sleep. Saturday morning, I was still dazed by the bad news of Friday. I was so angry. I went to the gym, got on the treadmill and ran 5k. I would have run more, since I had quite a bit of sugar in my blood stream, but running on the treadmill hurts my knees. So even though I love it and feel like a rockstar with the mileage on the treadmill, I refrain.
I came back home, stuck to home cooked meals throughout the week end, and have fought the urge to go out, and temporarily sink my anger in oily restaurant food. Yes, I nibbled a bit here and there, maybe even went overboard my total daily calorie limit for a few days this week, by a few hundreds, but stayed away from dangerous restaurant food. Or pastries. Or a double cheese pizza. Or a gooey dish of Italian lasagna. That was the old me. I would head straight to food for comfort. For joy. For anger, remorse, reason or no reason. I am on my way out of that relationship with food.
But wait, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I no longer eat pizza/pastry/lasagna. It’s just that I eat food, when I want to eat food. Not when I want to cry or celebrate or just for no reason. Another thing that helped in my refrain was that the weighing scale has not shown me a number I liked. So I am even more wary of eating. I don’t want to add to the list of probable reasons I’m not losing weight. I’m not gaining either.
Anyway, without digressing, my attitude towards food is slowly changing. I find that I am able to exercise portion control. I don’t any longer desire to polish off an entire packet of cookies. I am content with a couple of them. Sometimes I don't want them. Then I don't eat merely because the Scientist/ others at the table are eating. May be I’m not losing weight. But there is some Nonscale victory in the wings J