Thursday, September 13, 2012

An Aha moment - two days before the 10k!

Just two days left to the 10k, actually one if we don't count the remaining part of today. I am really nervous and also embarrased that I'd probably be the last to finish. But whatever. I will still do it.
 
 The wierd part is that we have given our car to the Scientist's brother and are wondering how to make it to Srirangapatna. We had sent away our car much before the day I actually signed up for the race, and it did not occur to either the Scientist or me to avail of race day transport. So I don't know how I'm going to reach the race. But reach, I will!
 
Did I just say race day? Me? Like really? I am going to do a race? I remember P.T. classes back in school. I always found an excuse not to run the mandatory laps. I don't remember why exactly. But it may have a lot to do with fact thatI thought I was fat and therefore obviously could not run. My parents were so upset that I was fat. I remember my mother saying that it was my only negative attribute. I'm sure she did not mean to put me down. But I remember her saying that I got such good grades, danced so well, read so much, was a good orator in school but I was fat. I did try to become thin. But I could never ever resist eating tasty food in large quantities and therefore stayed fat!
 
 Recently while in the US my uncle showed me pictures of their India trip many years ago. I was in 5th grade if I remember right and I remember that day all too well! We were going on a picnic, and I got dressed in the shorts and t shirt my uncle had got me from the US. I remember thinking I was very fat. I also remember my mom chiding me for being so fat and wearing those clothes. But you know what? In that picture, I did not look fat AT ALL. In fact, I looked a bit too tall to be a 5th grader!
 
When I began to run weighing about 80 kgs I had come so far along on my weight loss journey, that I did not care about any one else or what they thought about an overweight.. or wait, Obese woman running on the road. Did they think an earthquake was approaching? Honestly, I was so glad to be actually able to run, with the two feet that were fractured some years ago! I was glad that even though I was obese, I had good stamina. I was even more glad that the Scientist did not think much of the but jiggle or thigh cellulite. He prodded me on. Who knew I would run a 7k, as a practice run? Seriously, if someone had told me that some two years ago, I would have politely told them to cut the crap!
 
I don't mean to sound like I have conquered the world or anything! But even though this is only going to be a 10k it is like a marathon achievement for me. Because in my head I always thought I was fat even when I was not. And fat = slothy = there's no way you will ever get  that butt moving in the PT department. But in the last two years, baby step by step, I have come this far. Its more like a battle within the mind that keeps wanting to put me down. To hold me guilty for being fat and ugly and incapable. I have risen in my own eyes. I may be a fat girl. I may have another 15 kgs to lose. But I no longer hate myself. I no longer think that being overweight is the only bad thing about me. I might just have made peace. And that my dear readers, is my own Aha! moment in this weight loss journey.

4 comments:

  1. Goodluck for your run in 2 days, omg you ran 7km, that is awesome, i wish i had the stamina to run 1km let alone 7- but like you said baby steps and one day i will be running a 10k.Your such an inspiration :)

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    Replies
    1. thanks Abi! I really need the wishes....

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  2. Ah! I loved this post because of the positivity. If we are comfortable with how we are half the battle is won!

    Good luck for the run :)

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