When I was in Chennai last week, I fished compliments from many who had not seen me in a long time. I confessed that great results come out of hard work and that there were no magic pills I popped to get where I am. I know that in the past few months my body has undergone a tremendous change, and even though I might not be losing weight, there are other things going on - namely toning up and cellulite reduction which are really showing up pretty good. Plus since I am not in starvation mode, my skin and hair look healthy and alive. I am glad that I am losing weight in the most healthy way possible. I am feeling young, strong, fit and agile, find myself in a better mood most of the time and sleep really really well ( thanks to all the working out I do).
But even though there is this bright side of me, people who see me for the first time still see me as an overweight person. I might have shed 22 kgs, but that does not make me thin - just less fat! The thought of this makes me so sad. If I had approached weight loss in this way some 4-5 years ago, I might not have weighed a ton, ever! But the should have/could have/would have approach really does not do me any good. And I am glad I weigh 79 kilos instead of 100!
One such person who met me for the first time passed remarks which really sent my temper shooting to the ceiling. While the said person and his family was interacting with us (me, husband and in-laws) he commented in surprise that he had heard I was a dancer - a professional dancer he exclaimed! In all good faith, I asked him what was so surprising ( I have learnt to give people a chance by asking, instead of assuming why they think a certain way). He said that dancers were supposed to have great bodies and also expressed his dismay at how they gain weight when they stopped. I calmly told him that I was tubby even when I danced. He drew Dr.Padma Subramaniam (a highly reverred Bharatanatyam exponent) into the conversation and asked me how come she is so fat even though she continues to dance. I told him that agility could be lost with age and possibly that was the reason her practices were not as effective as before, and besides there could be a number of other reasons for weight gain.
Honestly I was quite stung by his remarks and often wonder how people could be so freely nasty while commenting about others being fat. Is "fat" a four letter word? For me, yes it hurts pretty bad when people call me that. In fact all though my childhood, I refused to do anything about my weight, because my father called me "fat". He constantly tried to remind me of my bad looks. That approach shapes a lot of my personality even today. I am highly sensitive and keep thinking people think of me as fat and unworthy! Only post marriage and the Scientist's loving acceptance of me even at 100 kgs with two broken feet, did I see that there was a lot in life beyond the difference of "fat" and "thin". Yes I still continue to be hurt by incidents like those above, but I know that somebody understands me and that its ok. The emotinal aspect of my fat had pervaded the physical aspects. But I am on the journey to appreciating what all my body does even at this embarrassing weight.
But this makes me think do you guys face such situations too? How do you handle them? And is "fat" a four letter word?