Phew!!! Am I glad April is over?
Even before April started, I knew that it could bring on a whole lot of crap. Though I wished that only good news will come, thre was a fear churning at the back of my head. April is the month promotions at work are announced and I did not make it! I have long been due for a upgrade, but missed it for one or other reason attributed by my management. Don't get me wrong, I do not work in an environment where reward and quality of work are directly propotional. Often its only a matter of number of years of service and some times really bad luck like a change of policy. To put it in a nut shell, I have time and again lost my promotion thanks to being on leave a whole year after Chittu was born. No I am not blaming him. Neither am I saying it was a bad decision cos only I know that I was so tattered (both physically & mentally) after Chittu's birth, that I really did need a long time and the joy of a baby to reallign me to the real world!
The whole thing was badly timed, maybe and as a result I missed a whole assessment year that I am paying for even now!Looking at the bright side, I can sure say that I was lucky to still have a secure job waiting for me after a whole year's break! But I was so angry this time around that I retreated into this shell, where I blamed my poor judgement for taking this kind of a job and not take up professional practise with my skill set, especially! I also blamed my lack of planning. Then I was so mad at the fact that living in an office owned apartment tied me down from resigning my job immeditaely, and the fact that I will have to wait a while before we can move out of this house into another one!
On the weight loss front, I thought the anxiety I was going through will help me lose some weight! But no! I developed pains in my hip joints, my knees, had shin splits, terrible stomach ulcer problems and just wanted to hibernate. I was annoyed at having Maami in the house ALL the time, Chittu being attached to her as if she were his mother, not being able to run the way I used to, Chittu being so possessive about his friend- our neighbour that he would not let that kid go home after after play in the evening- the pressure of having a second baby is staring down at me and not losing ANY weight and staying stuck at 77.5 just simply annoys me like crazy.
I still am stuck by the way.I think I have been stuck for the last year almost!!! There's little I can do in that regard except what I am already doing and I guess I will have to leave it at that! I have left that month behind me and am basically clueless about what I ought be doing. Its not that I am unhappy. I am just extremely stressed out personally and professionally. I promise I'm working on it. So things should be ok again. I am going to continue eating well and exercising (because thats second nature to me:) dare I say) and you dear reader, will definitely see more updates on that!!!
I'll see in you guys in a soon happier post :)