Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Today's run and my eating problem

When I woke up this morning close to 6.30, the Husband had already left to work. Body pump class is at 6.50, and so I quickly got into gym clothes that I laid out the night before and scooted off, only to find the shutters closed tight at the gym entrance. I figured, it must have been a holiday for Saraswathi puja and briefly contemplated going back home. But ugh!!! I could not tolerate another day of feeling fat and useless. So I decided instead to hit the park where I usually run. Only problem was that I was not wearing my running sweat pants which have pockets to accomodate my phone and scooter keys. Also I was not really comfortable running in the my gym pants because they are a lycra mix material, and not exactly flattering. Oh, and I was not in my running shoes!
I was so ready to just go home and lounge around, but better sense prevailed, and I coaxed myself into atleast going for a walk. It's better than doing nothing, I told myself. Just half hour, you can do it. I got off my scooter and grabbed my cell phone and keys in my hand and pushed myself into a brisk walk. I tried to jog. Ugh!! No.. I could not. My knees hurt. My body felt so rigid. So I walked some more, until I felt my body warm up. And then I tried to jog. Ah yes. Some pace was returning. Just then, I thought my lungs would burst. So I slowed down. And continued, until I had done one loop - which is about 2 kilometres. I would have done another loop, had it not been the pressure of getting back home in time for office. And I had wanted to wear a saree to work.
 
So that's how hard it was for me to run this morning. The same me who could do a 7k was panting and puffing, after a few metres after one week of little physical activity. The excess laddoo and mysore pak availability at home makes my mind keep darting towards the idea of just grabbing a big mysorepak and settling into a corner to enjoy the sugar-laden goodness. In fact last night when I woke up for Chittu's milk, I found myself eating the sweet in the solitude of my kitchen. I wonder how I got that habit! I take great pleasure in eating such stuff in secret, behind everyone's back. Sometimes, I feel ashamed. Sometimes, I look at it with a practical eye, and wonder how to treat that problem of mine. I know that this behavious stems from many childhood incidents. But I've come such a long way, and I don't want to sabotage my own efforts. But I have a bigger problem controlling sweets when I am alone than when I am in public. Anyway, I have found that only consistent exercise keeps me from such deviant behaviour and so I did myself a favour and got a run in, even when I found that the gym was closed. I know I am changing. But some psychological traits are so hard to eliminate, especially those with some complicated connections. I am trying to work on it. It is an every day battle. A hard one for me- more emotionally than physically.
 
The whole thing has made me so sensitive about my weight, that I find it so hard to take comments. But I  guess I have rambled on enough. I'll reserve that for a different post. But tell me - does any body have a secret eating  issue like me? How do you deal with it? I know I'm not the only one. I have read many others with such problems too who have successfully managed to lose weight and keep it off. But until I get there, I guess I'll have to keep trying!

11 comments:

  1. I totally understand what you mean. I am bad at eating when I am alone too. It's like, just because no one is watching I make myself believe that the calories won't count.
    I also have realised I generally tend to go to extremes. it's either a highly motivated me staying away from everything bad or i go the other end of extreme de motvation where anything and everything goes in my mouth and exercise goes out the window.
    sorry! I have hijacked your blog with a post of mine! I will stop rambling now! just know you are not alone.

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    1. ah the extremes!!! i used to be there... i dont go to the extremes now. But yes the sweets just kill me by temptation!!!
      but thanks it is reassuring to know I'm not alone.

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  2. Dear Sugar,

    I literally screamed ME ME ME when I read that part about secret eating. When I am a good girl, I promise myself to eat the baddies only in front of my family. It does not always work, but at least that is one strategy....The other thing is not to bring the baddies into the house. If people insist on gifting sweets, I re-gift them to others, like the skinny caretaker who could use some sugar. The third thing I do is chanting a "mantra" - "No I will not be tempted by you" even if I am tempted. That has also helped.

    Btw, I also love Mysore pak esp. from Srikrishna sweets. I even went and found the SriKrishna outlet in Dubai within a week of being here. A part of me was happy that I had access to them if I wanted them...I am wicked:-))

    sorry for this long answer to a simple question!

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    1. really? you can identify with it? wow! Yes I know all your ideas are TOTALLY valid. Most of the time, I just dont bring the bad stuff home. But sometimes I feel pity for the Scientist who btw is the master at controlled eating:)And about the third solution, I dont know what happens - its wierd - it feels as though I am possessed by the idea of eating that sweet. Ugh!! I just go ahead and do it, even though I know that I am destraying myself with that bad eating!

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  3. This sounds so much like me...I seem to get possesed when i am accesible to sweets, especially when i am alone. N i tend to eat more when i dont exercise.

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    1. oh my!!!! i did not expect you guys to actually chime in with me..

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  4. Oh yes, thats me! Sometimes, when I am alone, I eat the "forbidden" things very quickly and pretend that I didn't eat them ;) Yeah, I am crazy like that :P

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    1. no no.. you are not crazy... its just an eating problem which we seem to find so hard to correct!

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  5. Thats the word..."eating problem". I wish there was a solution to it also a solution for laziness

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  6. Take care of not over doing the runs, you are doing well , hope to see u run a half marathon by next year

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Yes. I Know you are thinking something. Please say it! Every word keeps me going!